


and i see there's something you're trying to hide

by nevershootamockingbird



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-18 05:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16988805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevershootamockingbird/pseuds/nevershootamockingbird
Summary: She reaches out, hesitating just shy of touching her friend's shoulder, asking too loudly in the silent room, "Jessie? Hey, you okay?""Sure," comes the whispered answer, choked with tears, and fuck, Beau's stomach drops out from under, fuck that was a stupid question. A sniffle, then Jester nods, still not turning towards her. "Sure, I'm okay. I'm always okay."





	and i see there's something you're trying to hide

**Author's Note:**

> This immediately follows episode 45, so there are mild spoilers in this! 
> 
> I am very worried for Jester after that fight, after being left alone, so here is what I wanted to see happen. I posted this on my tumblr at like 2am today, but I needed to go pass out so I could wake up for work so I had to wait to post it here until later in the morning.
> 
> Beau cares about Jester a lot, and her calling her out about lying last night? Yeah, that was fucking perfect. Here's the could-be follow up

Jester isn't asleep when she makes her way down to check on her, but Beau didn't really think she'd be anyway.    
  
The other woman is facing away from the door, curled into a ball and  _ shaking  _ so badly Beau can see it as soon as she enters the room. She shuts the door not as quietly as she meant, hurries over with fear solidifying in her gut like a lead ball. She reaches out, hesitating just shy of touching her friend's shoulder, asking too loudly in the silent room, "Jessie? Hey, you okay?"   
  
"Sure," comes the whispered answer, choked with tears, and fuck, Beau's stomach drops out from under, fuck that was a stupid question. A sniffle, then Jester nods, still not turning towards her. "Sure, I'm okay. I'm always okay."   
  
"Jess, you don't have to be," and it comes out a little desperate maybe, but Jester just laughs. It's an ugly sound, one Beau hasn't heard before, digging at her heart like a rusty dagger, and she's sliding onto the bed before she realizes it, tucking behind her friend and wrapping an arm over her waist. The tiefling is still laughing, no humor in it, a tad of hysteria, and Beau swallows hard, can't quite stop her voice from shaking as she says, "Jessie?"   
  
"I almost died," and Beau feels it like another punch to the gut, another brick of guilt on top of the shame she's felt since she tried to make the goddamn orb work for them and ended up safe on the other side instead. Jester hiccups, laughs and then sobs; one of her hands finds Beau's against her stomach, clutching and dragging it up to press against her sternum. "Beau, I almost died, and they left me."   
  
She dissolves into tears, then, and Beau can do nothing but hold on, wiggle her other arm under her friend's waist and curl it tightly around her, leaning forward enough to press their cheeks together. Jester is still shaking, harder now with the force of her sobs, and Beau shakes with her, finally feels her own calm crack and give way to the fear, the despair from earlier.    
  
"I'm sorry," and she can barely get the words out past the limp in her throat, swallows hard and tries again, "I'm so sorry, Jess. It won't happen again, I fucking swear it, it won't happen again."   
  
Jester says nothing, for a long time. Beau does not let go, keeps murmuring and pressing kisses to her cheek, her temple, her jaw, tries to hold on tighter, wishes she could take all of Jester's pain into herself.   
  
She'd rather have the fucking dragon hit her with a hundred lightning rays than see her friend go through this.    
  
After a while, the tears begin to slow, and Beau realizes that somewhere in the middle she'd started to hum, some old lullaby she once knew by heart. She keeps going, tries to press closer to Jester's back, hoping the vibrations or sound or anything will offer some shred of comfort. Jester sniffles, squeezes her hand again after what feels like ages; her voice is weak as she asks, "Beau?"   
  
"Right here, Jessie," she says in a rush, nudging her cheek against Jester's damp one. Her friend sniffles again, letting out a shuddering sigh as she slowly begins to relax, muscles going lax as she leans back into Beau.    
  
"Promise me you won't tell the others about this." It's quiet, so quiet that she wonders if she can pretend she didn't hear, pretend that Jester isn't still hiding, always hiding from them. The tiefling squeezes her hand again, twisting her head until she can catch Beau's gaze. "Beau, promise me. Please?"   
  
Her eyes are bloodshot, puffy and still shining with tears; there's bags under them, streaks of blood and dirt across her cheeks, an unhappy twist to her mouth, and Beau wishes desperately that she knew how to erase it all.    
  
She's never been good at this. She's never been allowed to know how to be.    
  
"You know you don't have to hide this, right?" She asks, can't make that promise just yet. Jester smiles, a sad, limping thing, and Beau feels a creeping anger in the back of her mind.    
  
"Yeah, I do. You all need me to be okay, so I will be," she says, likes it's easy, and Beau wishes she could find her voice, find a place to scream out her rage. As it is, she can only watch as Jester lets go of her hand, reaching up to begin scrubbing at her face. "I'm gonna be just fine, Beau."   
  
"But we left," she whispers, the words bitter and acidic on her tongue, and Jester sighs, nodding slowly.    
  
"Yeah. But I'm here now, we all are. So I'm just fine," and she is a good liar, she is. But Beau knows her, and she can see the shuttered fear in Jester's eyes, the pain in the corner of her smile and the anger in the tension of her hands.    
  
"I won't tell them," she says slowly, and Jester relaxes, her smile brightening. Beau shakes her head, determined, "I won't tell them, but you gotta let me help you, Jester."   
  
"What do you mean?" Her brow furrows as she asks, and Beau shrugs a shoulder, halting rubbing a hand over her friend's side.    
  
"Talk to me, let me in. You can't always bottle this shit up, it'll fuck you up worse," she says, and a series of complicated emotions flitter across Jester's face; she's too tired to try and pick them apart, pushes on, "When shit goes down, talk to me. When you're angry, or sad, or scared, let me help. Hell, if you even just want a hug, come to me, okay?"   
  
Jester rolls over to face her, finally, mindful not to knock her with her horns as she does. Beau settles both hands against her back, unnerved by her friend's piercing stare; she is unsure of what Jester is looking for, scared that she'll just come up lacking again. Blue eyes soften, finally, a smile curving across her friend's face, and Beau can still see a threat of tears but then Jester's tilting her head up, pressing a soft, barely there kiss to her cheek. "Thank you, Beau."   
  
"Yeah, yeah, of course," and the relief is so palpable she almost chokes on it. Beau lets herself want, just for a second, before Jester pulls back, and then she smooths a hand up her friend's spine, raising her eyebrows. "You wanna try to get some sleep, now? You, uh, kinda look like you need it."   
  
"So do you!" Jester shoots back, like she's offended, but there's still a smile on her face so Beau knows it's okay. The smile falls, though, and she looks so small as she asks, quiet and uncertain, "Will you stay with me?"   
  
"I'm not going anywhere, Jessie. Not again," Beau promises, and Jester sags into her, burrowing her head under her chin, just so as not to gouge Beau with her horns. She can already feel her friend's breathing slow, the adrenaline and emotional turmoil taking its toll, and Beau whispers, voice thick, "I'm always gonna be here for you."   
  
When they wake, she'll need to talk to Fjord and Caduceus, find out why the fuck they thought leaving Jester behind was anywhere near a good idea. She'll have to face her own guilt, again, and check in with Caleb, who came out looking traumatized and Nott, who came out looking like death. She'll have to track down Yasha, maybe, see what happened while they were gone, apologize for disappearing.    
  
She'll have to try and remind Jester that she isn't alone, even though she knows the tiefling will have her mask back up and her feelings shoved aside.    
  
But for now, Jester is at something like peace and mostly asleep in her arms. Beau thinks she can allow herself a few moments of softness before unconsciousness takes her, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I really enjoyed writing this, hope you enjoyed reading it even a fraction as much.
> 
> I have A Lot Of Feelings about Jester and Beau, and it seemed natural that Beau would check on Jester after all that she went through, after calling her out on the lie, so. Hopefully the characterization rings true. 
> 
> Title is from "Be Alright" by Dean Lewis, because the song was stuck in my head as I was finishing this up and this line really struck true for what I was feeling.
> 
> Again, thank you for reading! You can find me over at [tumblr](https://nevershootamockingbird.tumblr.com) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/daleytwin1) if you feel like yelling with me about these lovely characters (or anything else, really).


End file.
